Ewww... Hillary

Sorry... She is just too damn ugly to be president...

15th Anniversary

Married to Leneè for 15 years today! And I found on a fellow bloggers site these Monty Python Sketches! What could be better?

1. Lumberjack Sketch
2. Buying a Bed
3. Hitler in England
4. Agatha Christie Sketch
5. Spam
6. Married
7. Murderers
8. Archaeology Today
9. Mouse Problem
10. Bicycle repairman!
11. Most Awful Family In Britain
12. Albatross
13. Storytime
14. Dirty Fork
15. Blackmail
16. Bruce
17. Lingerie Robbery
18. Lion Tamer
19. Silly Vicar
20. Kilimanjaro Expedition
21. The Visitors Sketch
22. Trouble at the Mill / The Spanish Inquisition
23. Aussie hunters
24. The money programme!
25. A Man With Three Buttocks
26. Mattress Skit
27. How to contradict people
28. The stolen newsreader
29. Interesting people
30. The smuggler
31. Meat Sketch
32. Silly Job Interview
33. Lets talk ant
34. The Fish Slapping Dance
35. Timmy williams coffe time!
36. The Bishop
37. Semaphore version of Wuthering Heights
38. Little Red Riding Hood
39. Exploding Blue Danube
40. Arthur ‘Two Sheds’ Jackson
41. Flying Lessons
42. I Wish to Report a Burglary
43. Confuse-A-Cat Ltd.
44. Johann Gambolputty
45. The Dull Life of a City Stockbroker
46. How Not To Be Seen
47. Tchaikovsky’s Piano Concerto No.1
48. Penguins
49. Undressing
50. Tiny Words
51. Italian
52. Ministry Of Silly Walks
53. Spectrum
54. Burglar
55. My Brain Hurts!
56. The Llama
57. Deja Vu
58. Office Sketch
59. Tennis Anyone?
60. River Tossing
61. Cheese Shop
62. Mr Clean-Air System, the Boxer
63. Camel Spotting/You’re No Fun Anymore
64. The Dirty Vicar
65. Christmas in Heaven
66. Prawn Salad waiting room
67. Secret Service Dentistry
68. Spot The Looney
69. Salad Days
70. I have a theory!
71. 20th Century Vole
72. Dead Parrot
73. Ypres Sketch
74. Queen Victoria handicap
75. Travel Agent
76. Holy Grail - Black Knight
77. Self Defence Class
78. Holy Grail - Killer Rabbit
79. Monty Python- The Bridge
80. Holy Grail - French Invasion Plan
81. Holy Grail - Knights of the Round Table
82. Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
83. Holy Grail - Bloody peasants!
84. The Funniest Joke In The World
85. The Upperclass Twit Of The Year
86. Every Sperm Is Sacred
87. Hell’s Grannies
88. Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook
89. Hunting Sketch
90. Man Who Speak Only Partial Words
91. Expedition to Lake Pahoe
92. Whizzo Chocolate Company
93. Whicker Island
94. Mr. and Mrs. Git
95. Rival Documentaries
96. Pilots’ Banter
97. Cheap Airline
98. Arthur ‘Two Sheds’ Jackson
99. Police Station Silly Voices
100. Art Gallery
101. International Philosophy
102. Careers Advisory Board
103. Me Doctor
104. How To Irritate People - Need a lift
105. How To Irritiate People - Restaraunt
106. Naughty Chemist
107. Abandoned Sketch
108. Silly Disturbances
109. Fish License
110. Johann Gambolputty
111. Poofy Judges
112. Travel Agent
113. Marriage Guidance Counsellor
114. Choreographed Conservative Party Speech
115. Ken Shabby
116. A Scotsman on a Horse
117. Fish Club
118. Falling Minister
119. Introducing Harry Fink
120. How to Irritate People - Actors
121. How to Irritate People - The Joke
122. Cosmetic Surgery
123. Norwegian Party
124. The First Heart Transplant
125. Pope and Michelangelo
126. Silly Olimpiad
127. Antiracist Song
128. Nudge Nudge
129. Flying Lessons
130. The Money Programme
131. Office Sketch
132. Hospital sketch

Marah - Glen Ridge - Round Eye/Barstool

Was at this show with about 30 other people. Love this band....

I don’t even hold the wheel when I’m drivin’

I don’t ever look behind me in the mirror

I don’t care to see a new horizon
Or to watch an old horizon disappear

I ain’t never tasted wine
Or seen the inside of a bar
And I been walkin’ out of line
But that ain’t mattered so far
‘Cause I don’t even hold the wheel when I’m drivin’
And I ain’t hit the breaks
Since I bought this car

It’s like I never been alone for
More than a minute
And I got nothin’ to cry about
When it’s one wrong step got you into all this
And it’s one false move and you’re out…

It’s a time clock
With a late block
Screamin’ walk that walk
Or else you’re all talk
And it’s eavesdrop
And it’s hard luck
Put ‘er in fast
And never don’t stop
Up in a weightless sky
(ooh baby) where no one flies….

Glengarry Glen Ross speech

Required Reading for anyone in sales

Jessica Simpson - These Boots Are Made For Walking

Love the Nancy Sinatra original. Love this video even more.

Champions!

Well we are not winning any beauty contests. But our beloved Ridgewood Giants did win the "League of our Own" Baseball Championship. Gordo is pictured front row left. Regular Season Record 13-3. Then on to beat the Dodgers, Mets, and Best 2 out of 3 vs. the Blue Jays.

40

It's interesting. I guess I should be more obsessed with the fact that I'm turning 40 on Sunday. Everyone who knows is asking "what are you doing for you birthday". But it's weird. They say it with this distant look in their eye. It's almost as if they just told me some really bad news, and are now measuring my response.

This year, we will be on vacation in OBX, NC. Nothing special planned, although maybe a Lobster Boil in the beach house Sunday. In 40 years, I just don't have a lot of regrets. I have a high IQ (yes, it's true) and a decent education. We have done well enough to provide comfortably for the family. I never got into any major trouble. Fifteen years ago, I married the girl of my dreams. My 3 kids are happy and healthy. People always tell me how well-behaved, respectful, funny, etc... they are. I never hear anything bad. Hey, perception is reality. I have truly learned how not to sweat the small stuff.

"Milestone" birthdays effect everyone differently, and I guess for some they have no effect at all.

Living Vicariously Through Others (Cousin Michael to be specific)

Here I sit. 12:00 Midnight on Wednesday. Wife and kids are away for a night. What am I thinking about? Making money. How much friggin money is it gonna cost to give the three kids all I can toward their future? 500 hundred grand. Cash. One million? So I'm out there working... Taking the train to Long Island. Getting on the 5:55 train from Glen Rock. Meeting with anyone who has even the slightest desire/need to buy what I sell. All to maximize this year's 14% commissions. I assume the commissions will change in 2008. They always do.

What else am I thinking about? Baseball. Even my over 40 team, the Ridgewood Giants, , is rife with politics. I thought the parents of 13 year olds were political...

Here we are... 13-3 in the regular season. We have won the last 10 in a row, and we just won our first playoff game. Our manager is a big pain in the ass, but great at what he does... What I mean by that is he GETS RESULTS. We are in this to win, and he is critical. A lot of the guys can't handle criticism by a peer, but I happen to respond well to it. I am motivated by it and always have been. By my calculations, I batted around .400, and am definitely considered a "tough out". I was in the leadoff spot a lot, the two spot, the seven spot, etc... I stole bases. I drove opposing teams absolutely mad. Mainly, I was the starter in left field, but had a lot of playing time at 3rd base. I also played Center field, right field, and even caught. Not bad for a rookie season (turning 40 August 26). Granted, I am a rookie on a great team who has been playing together for many years. But geeze. There is on guy on the team who I think lies about everything from being a "soap opera star" to playing in college, to playing in the minors. During the first 6 games, he was our starting 3rd baseman. He made at least 20 errors, and that is conservative. His hands are as soft as two by fours, if you know what I mean. Literally, 20 balls hit to him, 20 errors... So, he got moved to 1st base. He is saying whatever he can to hold on to his position. In the depth chart there is another first baseman way ahead of him. However the other firstbaseman also plays left field which affects my playing time... Holy Christ, I can't believe I am thinking about this.

Nevermind all this. The Giants will play 9am on Sunday 8/19 against a tough Mets team. Winner of this will play a 2 out 3 final likely against the Blue Jays. I will play on Sunday, but will be in Nag's Head, North Carolina for the final games. I will be hanging on the beach with Leneè, James, Julia, and Jayne. We will celebrating my 40th birthday quietly with tons of beer. Cousin Michael will be racing his 3rd Ironman. He has started a blog, which I have been bugging him to do for a long time. http://www.ironoutlaw.blogspot.com

Over and out. Another early day in NYC later this morning.

Working Out of Two Bags

Versatile, newly created Phrase describing virtually anything involving the number two... Double dipping...

El Bandito!

You can imagine how hard I laughed when I read this entry in the urban dictionary. As it turns out, we were going out Saturday night to the restaurant, El Bandito with another family. I decided to check out the menu on line, and the first google entry was this one...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=El+Bandito

Needless to say, roughly every hour EL BANDITO! is heard around our house.

Been a while...

Two Marah members in a band called, "Adam and Dave's Bloodline". Another Glen Ridge Recreation sponsored event.

James and Adam and Dave's Bloodline. Says the lead singer looks like adult version of his friend, Colin.

Pattie and Jimmy enjoying Bloodline. Doug had me howling with a great impression of doing the "Pattie".


David settles in to the two-hole during the Giants win vs. the number 1 team the Fair Lawn Dodgers. Big hit at this at bat for the go ahead run.

Pleasant Surprise

While out with Wang-O at Houlihans in Ramsey, locked eyes with Keen-O and as recognition set in, realized that she was hanging with Kim-O!! Joy, joy, happy, happy... Figured Gord-O's stock and mystic would be Hi running with two hotties, so headed over to Brady's in Ramsey for some live music. Fun time.

New Tat

Shading not done yet. The background Irish flag will be orange, white, and green, and the celtic trinity itself will pop bright kelly green. This is my right shoulder. Tat artist "Lucky Mike" from Shotsie's http://www.shotsiestattoo.com/ said it will look awesome.

Marah!!!!

Invited by a good friend to see the private Marah show. Around 70 people gathered at the Glen Ridge Train Station for this nite. Acoustic "Unplugged" evening. This is a video of two great songs from that night. ROUND EYE and a great version of BARSTOOL BOYS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3yR9h7rEXI. Marah RULES!!!


Serge and Dave doing an impromptu "Van Jam" after the show.

An Excellent band. Superb musicians. Superb sound quality.

Dave, on sobriety day number 140.

Stanky Twa

That's me at 7 am on the way to the YMCA with cousin, Michael.

Michael lives in Albuquerque, NM. I was in a good mood this particular day because I haven't seen him in a while and I was looking forward to spending some time together. Over the past 6 years Michael has gotten himself into great shape from 240 and gaining to 180 and lean. So, I agreed to forgo my workout this morning for "his" workout. Well, Michael is a two time Ironman, and he came dressed in full regalia with Ironman shirt, visor, and his New Mexico Outlaws bike shorts. I knew as soon as he showed up at my house, that this would be different than the normal trip to the gym.

We did lighter weights, but doubled the reps and did about 1 hour and 45 minutes of total body workout. Hardly stopped in between sets. Sore today, but in a good way.

Good extension, head on the ball. Coach Gordon practicing what he preaches at In The Swing.

Cousin Michael and me.

The Tell

On a salescall in Troy, NY... Posing by the client's sign, then hopping through the 3" of mud surrounding the sign. Dress shoes and suit pants full of mud, etc...

In poker (and in meetings for that matter), a "tell" is an unaware gesture or mannerism that signals the others in the room whether you have a good or bad hand. Those with a "poker face" are able to refrain from showing any tells. After a great sales call and client lunch, my coworker and I were debriefing. Sharing our insights, critiquing each others' performance during the meeting, etc... It was then my worlds collided in a most unfortunate manner... Grant stops the conversation, and throws his hands up, and waits until I am completely quiet and focused on what he is going to say next. Finally, when he has my undivided attention, he says, "you breathe like a zoo animal..." Then he gives me a moment to let that sink in. He then goes on to say that it is not usually, but just when something good is happening, like the customer is sending some buying signals. He goes on further to tell me that it is not minor, in fact it was so distracting and loud that he could barely continue his note-taking. And... It was not just this meeting, come to think of it, it was every meeting where something good happened.

Now, my poker buddies have folded pocket aces upon hearing my "Darth Vader" breathing pattern. They know when I am sitting on a monster hand, and they have told me, even gotten extremely pissed off about it (although it doesn't take a lot to piss these particular guys off). The scary thing is, I still can't tell when I am doing it. I forget what the theory was called, but it is in that quadrant of stuff that others can see about me that I cannot. I'm pretty sure its a biological way that my system tries to lower my heart rate or something. I guess I was just in denial about it, but hearing it from a work colleague has validated what I have been hearing from my poker buddies for years.

I really need to stop that, for f__k sake.

Me and Uncle Floyd

This was fun. For those of you old enough to remember, this is Uncle Floyd. Uncle Floyd is my cousin, Greg's, favorite entertainer of all time. Greg's sister, Gwyn, brought Uncle Floyd to Greg's 40th birthday party, where he performed for about 40 of us, and he was hilarious. Actually, I remember watching Uncle Floyd from 6th grade through college. He was always a little funny and perverted. He did things like walked into hair salons and hit on the girls who were cutting hair on camera.

This is a clip of a typical Uncle Floyd episode...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwivMIQKvRg

Finally, A New Post

So my buddy DEAN-O (aka woogie, aka Chris Elliot), (far left) was up from Austin, and we got our drink on in NYC at LATITUDE then on to Hoboken with Josh (far right). This hottie was at the bar. All three of us (including the other 50 guys in the bar) claim, "it was me she wanted." However when I whipped it out (my camera), she was more than happy to pose with us. This was unsolicited.

On an unrelated topic, is it appropriate to openly breast feed on a plane next to a business traveler? I think not. I mean, with no modesty at all. En route to San Jose Tuesday, the Latina mom and her infant occupied seat 27A next to Gordo. Her husband and their 2 year old took the two seats across the aisle. As I was thinking of eating my melon salad from Starbucks, suddenly another type of melon was there, 12 inches away. Out in the open, no blanket, just there. About the size of a small cantaloupe with a 3 inch diameter black circle. Obviously, the challenge was to avert my eyes. My entire head and neck froze, eyes forward on the little JetBlue TV. I didn't move in fear that she would think I was copping a cheap thrill. Honestly, it was really more like witnessing the train wreck. Finally after a full chowing on both sides, the baby now looks content. Content quickly becomes uncomfortable. About a minute later, the baby ralphs all over the the mother and her seat, barely missing me. I spent the next hour fighting off the "chain reaction" barf.

Gordo made his rookie debut in the over-40 baseball league. Threw on the metal spikes again. Batted lead off, went 2-3 with a walk, 2 RBIS, a stolen base, and 2 runs scored. The Ridgewood Giants are 1-0.

LETS GO METS! The Mets are 3-0 after sweeping the Cardinals.

So friggin psyched that it's baseball season again.

No Pictures

Tonight is Leneè's first night at Adobe Photoshop class. I have all three kids here with me. James is "doing his homework" which really means sitting in his room playing with everything he gets his hands on. Jaynie is watching Pocohontas, and Julia is on www.cartoonnetwork.com.

It is surprisingly peaceful, knock wood.

Tonite marks Leneè's first class at a local High School which will be every Tuesday and Thursday from 6:30 till 9:30. Basically, after 2 months of Leneè being uncharacteristically pushy and warning me daily of the impending day when class would start, tonite's the night. My plans have been effectively canceled so that Leneè would be able to "finally do something for herself." Leneè makes beautiful things, does very well with photos, and this will help her take her creativity to the next level.

As it turns out, my plans weren't that important anyway... Mainly these plans included playing in a regular hockey game on Tuesday nites, wrapping up business in the city, and finishing up the day's work on my laptop, these types of things. Don't get me wrong, I'm not self-centered or anything. You know, I'm not going to continue on this subject anymore, although I desperately want to...

Its a good thing:

Getting close on closing some large deals at work. Baseball season is here. We start our over 40 league practice this weekend. The over 40 team is the Ridgewood Giants (defending champions). James'13u travel team has already had a few practices, and we look pretty good. James' rec team will be fun. Julia is starting soccer again with the Torpedoes.